7 Things I Learned 7 Days Before Christmas

Originally published December 2013

Every day is an adventure, right? If you subscribe to the “glass is half full” theory, then surely you must wake up every day with vim and vigor, open to the lessons life is going to teach you.

Or, if you’re like me, you struggle to remember what day it is and hope it’s one where you can just slide into a pair of sweatpants and eat a Seinfeld-sized bowl of cereal on the couch while openly mocking Mika Brezinski and Joe Scarborough.

Not the case today. It was a work day, an in-the-office day, and just a week before Christmas. Plenty of lessons during Christmas countdown, though. Plenty …

Lesson #1: You can’t make too many cookies. In just the last 5 days, I’ve probably made about 20 dozen cookies. And I think 18 dozen have already been eaten by my mooching, can’t-stop-at-just-one kids. Damnit! My friends will never believe me when I tell them that I intended to bring over my homemade goodies wrapped up on gilded paper plates better than a Martha Stewart DIY.

Lesson #2: Working on Michigan Avenue does not mean you can shop on Michigan Ave. In the midst of trying to close out a couple of magazine issues, I looked out the window today, wondering if the Home Goods across the street offered a personal shopper and delivered. Nope.

Lesson #3: Pei Wei is adding sesame chicken to their menu in January. Winning!

Lesson #4: If you don’t move quickly on an office gift basket, there’ll be nothing left for you to nosh on during your commute home. Jackals.

Lesson #5: An advent calendar is Satan’s handiwork. I stared at ours this morning and wondered where the hell the month went. I felt guilty. Nothing feels accomplished (see Lesson #1.) Forget wrapped presents. I’m not close to being done with shopping. And my Christmas card that turned into a New Year’s card is now gonna be a Valentine’s card. Mailed on St. Patrick’s Day.

Lesson #6: Movie critics are smelly pirate hookers.

Lesson #7: It’s all about perspective. In the midst of a busy day and feeling a little overwhelmed, I walked past the homeless on my trek back to my car and remembered to be thankful for a job. And a car. And a home I had to get back to. And a family that needs me. For that reminder during these last few crazy holi(days), I am grateful.

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