50 Thoughts: With a Little Help from My Friends

Originally published September 28, 2018

I was angry yesterday. Still am today. These are some tough times.

Looking forward, I know the person I want to be is not the one that looks like she could kill you with a steely, cold glare. (Though I would not necessarily turn down that kind of super power if it were granted to me. I don’t know if this would involve being struck with lightning or something like that, but it could be a nice accessory the further down the rabbit hole we fall.)

So in looking back at really trying times in my first 49 years to assess how I managed through those, one of the most common threads is that of friendship. Times when I thought I would crumble. Losing a baby. Moving to a different state. Struggling to parent a child with special needs. Friends have always been there to hold my hand, support and carry me until I could walk again.

Life’s major trials are something for which we all hope for support, for sure. But it’s not just the trying times that test friendships. It’s the day to day bullshit that really makes the difference. And for that, I’ve been blessed with an incredible repertoire of friends, from those today all the way back to my youngest years. These are the kinds of friends that:

  • Don’t care if your kitchen is clean.
  • Is cool with the fact you put them as an emergency contact on your child’s information card at school, and you didn’t even ask.
  • Put up with your snoring on a girls’ weekend.
  • Would be willing to help you hide a body, or switch size tags in a pair of pants.
  • Doesn’t mind if you borrow clothes.
  • Will be grateful when you point out the iron mark on the back of their sweater.
  • Can totally empathize when you want to bitch about how your husband still can’t figure out how to put his folded, clean clothes away.
  • Loves your kids almost as much as you do. And cheers for them just as loud.
  • IMs you current events play-by-play during a staff meeting.
  • Will talk books and never get bored.
  • Keeps it real and tells you to your face when you look like shit.
  • Will make sure you get back to your dorm room after a night at the bar.
  • Can sit with you and just be present.
  • Lets you cry ugly.
  • Thinks Little Caesar’s and wine make a perfect Friday night witching hour meal.
  • Watches crappy TV with you.
  • Will blow off a work call at 4:59 p.m. but answer yours at 2 a.m.

The sisterhood feels even more meaningful at this moment because of the misogynistic, tribalistic headwinds we are all facing head on, together. My friends are the family I choose, and this circle of mine, from way back in the day to the moment we’re all in now — I wouldn’t trade this squad for anything.

Even for a super power.

Today’s recommendation: Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. Powerful words.

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