Leave Me Alone, I’m Doing My Thing: The Ritual Effect by Michael Norton

If you had asked me as late as last week if I considered myself to be someone that leaned hard into rituals, I likely would have said no. I’m not religious, I’m only jokingly superstitious and my day is pretty much, well, routine. Then I read Michael Norton’s “The Ritual Effect” and I thought about it.

I’m certainly not Nomar Garciaparra or Rafael Nadal — I don’t have a start to my workday as intense as theirs is ahead of stepping up to the plate or getting ready to serve — but Norton’s latest work has me reconsidering what I thought was just routine and instead, is allowing me to appreciate the grounding effect it provides for my day.

In “The Ritual Effect” Norton’s breaks down the differences between habit/routine and ritual and how those rituals pervade, sustain and even enhance our selves, our relationships, our families and our work environments.

Rituals serve to calm anxiety and stress, to connect with others personally and professionally, to carry forward tradition and to provide pathways for reconciliation. The book had me think more closely about my day and how what I considered routine was actually something deeper:

My morning walk with my dog: There are people who think it’s a little bit crazy to get up at 5 a.m to walk the wildebeest, and I usually peg his poor behavior around strangers as the reason for it, but having had to skip it for a couple of months this summer, I recognized the walk really is much more meditative for me in starting my day — taking the same route, looking for the sun on the horizon, and breathing in fresh air (and, OK, overthinking. It’s what I do.)

My “commute” to work: Pre-pandemic, my commute was harried — a much shorter, stressful walk with Gus, rushing from shower to the kitchen to eat something, out the door and on to the highway. I don’t miss that. But I do miss the rituals of the office, such as heading into the kitchenette on Tuesdays to grab a free doughnut or bagel and talk to coworkers. A standing date with a few friends for lunch every day at 11:30 at the same table. A mid-afternoon walk around the pond.

Those rituals have been replaced with newer ones — walking into what was once my daughter’s bedroom that is now our home office, cup of coffee and yogurt in hand. Firing up the laptop and playing Wordle to get the brain going. Turning on an intentional mindset to focus on the day ahead.

My family life: Once I stopped to consider the presence of rituals in my home and with my family, it was easy to identify a few: I typically host Thanksgiving. We always watch “A Christmas Story” at least once on during the holidays. It feels weird to me if I don’t look at my NYT Cooking app at least once a week for a fresh idea. If I cook, my husband cleans up. And sure, that could all be considered routine, except that when I stopped to consider these daily or seasonal markers, it suddenly wasn’t just routine — because at the essence of any of them was a sense of being present in spirit, not just a rote, mindless activity. There is feeling and emotion attached.

I enjoyed the fresh perspective “The Ritual Effect” gave me when it comes to my day-to-day and has me thinking about how to better apply the power that comes with ritual to my relationships with others. It’s a much appreciated, thought-provoking way to slide into the holiday season.