Stoic and Didn’t Know It: Reasons Not to Worry by Brigid Delaney

If you had asked me two weeks ago to define a Stoic, I probably would have used words like unemotional, cold, even rigid. Definitely not me. So color me surprised to discover I am (mostly) living the Stoic dream.

Brigid Delaney’s “Reasons Not to Worry: How to Be Stoic in Chaotic Times” was nothing less than a massive confirmation read.

Full disclosure — we are more than a month past the election and I am still pretty much avoiding social media and the news. Again, not in denial, just not willingly taking in things I know will massively upset me. These are things of which I have no control, so why do that to myself? But I know there will be times, particularly in my professional life, where I may have to at least have some knowledge of what is happening in education circles. My exposure to the Dark Overlord is inevitable.

After that last awful election, I got a big scary dog. I love Gus, Gus loves me and thank goodness he’s still here. It was made clear to me though that there’s no room for another big scary dog, so I needed to find another way to logically confront my worries. When this book crossed my path, I considered it a sign.

I could regurgitate all my “This!” and “OMG this!” moments while reading Delaney’s exploration of Stoicism and the lessons that can still be applied today, but honestly you just need to go get this book. What I will say is that I found the overarching structure to Stoicism was helpful in pulling together so many thoughts and feelings I’ve expressed over the years, mostly as life lessons to the kids. Her passages on road rage could have been verbatim transcripts of my discussions with my oldest about driving. The foundational aspects of Stoicism that explain how we should react to things we cannot control is something I already knew, at a minimum, and try to live by, even if only occasionally. Thinking before speaking. Moderation in everything is a good rule of thumb. And so on.

I found a lot of the directives coming from Stoicism to be in alignment with my understanding of the universe, and a lot of this is immensely helpful in maintaining sanity in these strange times. It was helpful to be reminded that those with whom you argue often times feel just as passionate about their perspectives and believe them to be true, which allows me to tap into empathy even when I cannot understand.

That said, there are parts of Stoicism that are hard for me. Death is front and center to their way of looking at life from every angle. It’s not a comfortable subject, but it makes sense. If we think about our time on the planet as finite and that everything — EVERYTHING — is on loan, it can go a long way toward being grateful for what you have. (I will forever think of the gratitude movement of the last few decades as “Stoicism lite.”) I used to be straight up terrified of death. If I am honest, I still am. But I had a chunk of time recently where I thought about it a lot, and I can see the benefits to reminding yourself every day that nothing is guaranteed. In a Stoic’s mind, thinking about your impending meetup with the hereafter — or nothing after, as they think of it, on the daily — allows you to more fully embrace what time you do have ahead of you and to spend it in meaningful, productive ways. (And yes, that can also be, from time to time, doing nothing. They are cool with periods of rest and relaxation. They are down for a good time.)

The other concept Stoics eschew is hope. That’s a toughie. I have always considered hope to be a good thing. That shining light in the dark. Stoics are not big fans — they think it leads to heartbreak and it’s better to have not hoped to begin with. I get that. I still wince though at the thought of not being a hopeful person. My way through this is to put my logic hat on and understand that putting a wish list out into the universe is no guarantee of anything. If I stop (hurts to say it!) hoping for a Spartan win, maybe I won’t be so damn cranky when their three-point shot goes cold in the last 5 minutes of a close game. Fine and dandy for the little things in life. I still find myself stuck though on wanting to hope for a better future for our planet, for our country, for my kids. I’m not quite ready to unwind myself from that. (Stoics would remind me all I can control is my character, actions and reactions so if I want to make the world a better place I need to volunteer, vote, recycle … yeah yeah yeah I know.)

If you are looking for a re-set kind of read heading into 2025 and the chaotic unknown, this is a phenomenal place to start.

Enjoy this review? You can catch all of them here. I’m also not completely ignoring social media. I left the hellscape and have set up shop on BlueSky. you can follow me at @litzyditz.bsky.social.