The “How To” on “50 Shades” Kind of Fun

Far be it for HeadLitzyDitz to ignore what her readers are looking for.

I crack up every time I check my blog stats only to find people are still reading my review on “50 Shades of Grey.” Of all the books I’ve read this year and last, it really ranks as one of the worst. But, it does fill a void. People like to read the hot stuff, too.

The other trend that has come to my attention is how people get to my review—a lot of the referring searches have to do with “how to.” Which made me think—are people reading “50 Shades” and scratching their heads at some of the more alternative sex acts? Even the happiest of relationships may occasionally need help to spice things up. So, because I aim to please, I thought I’d give you the low-down on two upcoming sex manuals—the books you need to read after “50 Shades.”

Great Sex Made Simple
Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson
Available December 2012

This may be the book for, um, the more academic approach to sex. It’s all about tantrics, and the authors are very serious about this topic. “Tantra” means to “stretch, extend and expand,” so you can imagine this book is all about taking your 5 minutes in bed to 5 hours. I couldn’t help but chuckle when I read this part of the introduction:

“We love sex; it is very important to us, but even the most sexually active person spends only a limited amount of time at it. If you devote two hours a day to making love (only a tiny minority of people can claim to do this) and eight hours to sleeping, you are still left with 14 hours of wakeful living to do.”

Ha! Let’s forget the 2-hour commitment altogether—I’m still stuck on the 8 hours of sleep. But I digress—the point of the book is to bring tantric practice into your life and your bedroom. Their focus, through 54 mini-chapters, is to teach sex that brings a couple together, focusing on each other instead of just their selves. You’re going to see the word “mystical” and “transcendental.” These make me giggle like a school girl and not take it seriously at all. But that’s not to say that approach won’t work for you. The chapters are short enough that you can quickly knock off a couple before bed and try to put them to practice.

The one thing I found a little off-putting, at least for me, was the imagery. It reminded me of something from the late 70s I would have pulled off my parents’ bookshelf, or, like my co-worker copped to, reading while babysitting for the neighbors. Very “free love.”

Now, this next book? My guess this is more up Anastasia Steele’s alley:

The Little Book of Sex Secrets: Red-Hot Confessions, Fantasies, Techniques & Discoveries
Nicole Bailey
Available February 2013

Geared toward the “Holy cow, I just saw ‘Magic Mike’ and want to Get.It.On!” crowd, or perhaps the girl that thinks she’s the one that will win Tucker Max’s heart, this manual is the one all the good-but-secretly-naughty girls will be keeping in their bedside drawer.

This book is set into four distinct sections: Naughty, Sizzing, X-Rated and Ecstatic, making this read accessible to the woman who has never tried anything, EVER, to the well-seasoned pro in the sack. To give you an idea, topics under “Naughty” include talking dirty and phone sex,  whereas “Ecstatic” cover items like bondage, spanking and secret sex toys—yeah, that Christian Grey stuff. The sections, like the first book, are quick reads, and frankly, would probably serve as easy-to-read erotica for the couple that’s more easily intimidated.

The author’s intro sums the book up nicely—it’s about being a confident seductress, taking foreplay to another level, and treating sex as an adventure instead of just an act. The imagery is much more akin to the inside cover of a porn DVD (a classy porn DVD), or, the raunchier of the romance novels. Still, much like the first book, I found myself giggling like a schoolgirl and thinking, “Seriously? People DO this?”

But, let’s be honest—sex is sex is sex, and if no one did it, none of us would be here. Might as well have fun while you’re at it.

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